LondEnd

Today we slept in because our London Pass had expired, so there was basically nothing left to do. Just kidding - we had to go see the greatest heist in the world AKA The British Museum. Imagine a palatial vault, a treasure trove of things not originally from England, stolen over thousands of years of conquests and colonizing. Before we went to see cool old junk, we stopped in the ‘young visitors’ lunchroom’ because I figured we qualified and we had brunch to eat. We purchased bagels, lox, cream cheese, milk (not from a box, like in Spain), and orange juice. This brunch was an urgent affair, more urgent than possibly the best museum collection in the world... 

We grabbed a table in between rows of uniformed British schoolchildren, who were ALL at the museum at the same time as us, all eating their bagged sammies and crisps (not to be confused with French fry ‘chips’). I devoured that loaded bagel, before even remembering that I had in fact had the same bagel combo in Barcelona, when Julie homemade some about two months ago for Yom Kippur breakfast.

So, we ran through the entire museum in about an hour. We saw lots of mummies, ancient coins, old rings, and next year’s London Olympic medals. Highlights included an Easter Island statue, chunks from the Parthenon, and the famous Rosetta Stone. Did you know that the Rosetta Stone’s message is actually fairly insignificant? It just proclaims a proclamation of some pharaoh that isn’t important. What’s important is that it taught people hieroglyphics. I would like to learn some basic hieroglyphics. Did you know the word ‘meow’ was based off of hieroglyphic sound and picture combos? Now you do.

Next stop was shopping shopping shopping. I was wearing worn-through leggings and found a fantastic pair of new ones at the famed TopShop. We also bought mini sparkling cupcakes (Sprinkles, you may have been outdone) and played in the makeup section. We left with a selection of hosiery but skipped out on the marmite-flavored chocolate at the register.

Steps off of Oxford Street, we headed to Lucy’s (my old aupair) office around the corner. It. Was. Awesome. She had the best chocolates and made us amazing lattes from a fancy machine. We admired the indoor garden lofted above her desk area. Her office, an audio recording and retouching studio, works with that guy who narrates all the animal documentaries in that funny British accent! Cool!

We literally ran across West London over to Brown’s Hotel for High Tea. Absolutely not overrated, absolutely worth coming to London for, absolutely necessary in my future life. The server thanked me after laying a linen monogrammed napkin on my lap, and I got an entire plate of vegetarian sandwiches. We each got our own entire pot of tea, endless pastries, and dozens of other finger foods. The silverware was actually silver. There was a man playing Christmas music on a piano. The bathrooms had actual towels. The table next to us spoke French. I ate a quail egg on smoked mackerel, pomegranate jello, and classic cucumber sammies. So. So. So. Legit. My life couldn’t have been classier, until we walked across the street (a man in a top hat opened the door) into Tiffany’s, to further shop for future jewelry, namely diamonds.

After ogling shiny things for a bit, we walked up to the Palace Theater! We were picking up tickets! For a show! Hurrah! London makes me want to shout exclamatory words! We bought friendship bracelet materials on a hipster street of outdoor markets and vintage shops. Maybe that is supposed to be a secret and I shouldn’t embarrass Elizabeth and Kate. Oh well.

We got our absurdly high up (4^th floor) seats for Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, an up-and-coming musical based on drag queens in Australia. Alexandra came with us too, and reminded me at intermission that I’d seen La Cage Aux Folles with her the year before in New York, which was basically the same show. Mix that with Bran Nu Dae, the Australian musical movie I once saw in the Evanston Theater, and you have Priscilla.

It can be very confusing to see men with ripped bodies wearing sparkly corsets and feathered headdresses. Well, to each his/her own, and I enjoyed the play very much so.

We brought home some Chinese take away (not take out) and I had my first tofu in three months. I really missed beancurmixvegable. It was, as the Brits say, lovely.

As was this entire trip. Really. TripOfaLifetime. Saw the Queen, went to a castle, spoke with a Royal Guard, saw diamonds, saw dungeons, saw artifacts, had tea, had tofu, had so much fun.